It’s so weird to think I’m done with high school. I graduate this Sunday and I just can’t believe I made it. I really thought for awhile there that I would never see my graduation day…but it’s finally approaching and I couldn’t be more excited!

Even though I’ve only technically been an adult for less than a month, I feel like I’ve gained all this responsibility over night. I have money now to spend however I choose (somewhat frivolously at times), I rarely ask my parents to do anything (although I do still tell them what I’m doing out of kindness, haha), and my bedtime is now 10 pm!

Just kidding about that last part, hardy har har. But yeah, there are just little things like that that remind me “Hey, you’re not a kid anymore”. It just feels like it’s been an extended weekend seeing as though Friday was senior skip day and yesterday was Memorial Day…I still had to work yesterday, though :P But yeah, I worked today and it just feels weird knowing that kids are still in school and I’m not!

I’m totally rambling, but yeah…it’s just been a weird day. All this realization and whatnot. It’s exciting but a bit frightening at the same time. I don’t know how to digest it all just yet. 

So I’ve been having more fights with my father recently. Tonight was complete shit.

I simply asked him how much he would be willing to contribute to getting a car for me and it ended up with him blaming me for all this shit that clearly isn’t even my fault.

Okay, so I work really varied hours…I never really know when my shift is going to end and sometimes in the summer, the zoo closes way later than normal. So I figure it would just be simpler to get a car instead of having them drop me off and pick me up just so the car can basically sit in the driveway (they say they might do something during the day, so they’ll need the car…but they never fucking do anything). 

I’ve been trying to tell them that, with me working 5 days a week during the summer, there’s no fucking way we’re going to be able to coordinate the car in any reasonable manner. SO, is it wrong for me to come to the conclusion that I need a goddamn car? NO! I really don’t think so! 

So I brought this up to him tonight, thinking he’d act like a fucking adult about it, only to be yelled at and blamed for shit that is out of control (like how much money my mom blows on stupid shit…how is that even my fault?).

I don’t even know what to say to him anymore. Our conversations usually just end in yelling at each other. I’m so fucking sick of living in this goddamn house in this pathetic fucking city. 

I tried going for a run to clear my mind, but it obviously didn’t help. I still feel like I can’t breath and I’m just completely frustrated.

On a positive note, I get out of school in 2 days. Yay.

I won 9 dollars on a 5 dollar scratch off and bought a pack of cigarettes.

The thing that really grinds my gears is that the guy didn’t even ask for my ID…so I could have gotten away with it this whole time.

Dammit. 

Anyway, now it’s just time for graduation…6 more school days, AHHHHH!
I’m so ready!